Friday, December 23, 2005
i dun nd her!i can't believe it.i've always been sensitive and given in to her.so she takes advantage of me.she tries to act all matured when deep within,i know her well enough to know she's not all that.her sms and interacting w her personally are like worlds apart.she's a totally diff person.she doesnt wanna let other pple see that she's so emotional.and she cheated me.such a fake.phony.know wat?i cant b bothered w her anymore.i dun nd her n i intend 2 prove it.the poem at the bottom left side of this blog illustrates exactly how i feel now.the frenship is not true.she can b like dat.so can i.i'm so sick n tired of trying to repair this relationship.u know wat?i dun give a damn anymore.denise is right.some friends are just not worth it.no use wasting the effort.wasting emotions...
today i learnt to TRULY let go.for real.and i'm proud of myself!
i'm rather proud of myself today cos i made the best decision in my life!Today i chose not to go to KL with my cousins.I thought that i would regret.Never did i imagine that it wld turn out the way it did.
let's see.the morning was rather boring.i basically watched tv,occassionally scanning the channels for programmes.in the afternn,i went out w my cousin.she's a yr older than me!It's the 1st time we went out together.First stop:watsons.we bought facial masks,earrings and mascara.cosmetic shopping,basically.haha.then we went to apollo.haha.i know,weird name for a place which alters clothes huh.i tink so too.my cousin said since my bday was coming up she wanna buy sth for me.so sweet ya.haha.then we went to mac,cos after 1 wk + in korea wo fast food,she's starting to miss it.weird ha.then cyber cafe.tons of ah bengs.scary.i just blogged and surfed b4 making my way to Esso,cos my family owns it...somewat.i'm not too sure.know why we went there?to wait for my grandfather to leave from work so we can get a free ride.so lazy rite?
Dinner time.yi po came.then lei gave me tons of stuff.as in my cousin.the one i went out with.cosmetics and hair accessories.red earth she dun want.crazy gurl!n face mask too.neutrogena whitening.though it says 15 mins,i sat there for 45 mins.ha.ordered my cake.tiramisu mousse.heart-shaped..then i chatted with yi po.it really made me feel so light-hearted and all...i haven felt so happy since i went to Genting weeks ago.i got so many nice stuff from my cousin and then lots of love and warmth from my wai po's sis(yi po)emotionally and materialistically satisfied!
Y9:54 PM
i'm kinda scared of going to a new school.the feeling of loneliness and fear all over again.lack of familiarity.where do i go?will there be helpful people about?i might reach sch too early and then have to stand at one corner like this spastic soul hoping someone comes over to offer me help or ask whether i'm lost.what if no one approaches me,and i'm clueless about where to go,too afraid to ask?-shivers-am i a worrywart?i think so too...but adapting to a new unfamiliar environment hasn't exactly been my strong point...i really hope i dun embarrass myself and make a indelible mark in everyone's memory.
i seriously need help!!!
Y3:55 PM
this morning after my cousins left for KL,i dun know why,but i started to think...i realise that my thoughts only started to mature last year.how do i know?cos i suddenly feel as if i have just woken up from a really long sleep and started to see things in a very different light.i feel as though i only started living properly last year.the earlier part of my life seems a blur.like a dream...
pettiness.everyone is petty.it's just the degree.you may deny it.but deep within u know that u r.somehow i think that pettiness will surface at some point of time in our lives.sometimes more in others.it's an emotion of jealousy or envy.i don't realli think that u can rid of this but u sure can suppress it.
embrace what u have.don't be too particular about everything.learn to let go and relax once in a while.stop being jealous or envious and getting angry with people over small matters.mum says when we grow older,we mature and then we would look back and realise all the little things that we got angry or fought about,feeling silly that they actually happened.
Y3:55 PM
Thursday, December 01, 2005
i went bowling today.it waspretty disastrous.haha.i mean,i had beginner's luck n i srike 7 on the first try but...it was pretty much downhill from there that after a while i just let kor chie take my turns.it was way depressing.haha.but the second round was pretty good i guess.i managed to DIY almost the whole way,and even helped sis,who's way lousy.She nvr(and i stress nvr)hit any pin till the very last set.and then she hit 4.i had a lot of --,they kept rolling into the drain,and after two games(which means rolling the ball 40 times),i still can't do the way that normal pple bowl.i don't run.haha.i sort of walk till the line,swing my arms a few times,then let go.haha.it's a good thing my aunt helped me out a lot on the first game(as in she bowls the 1st set,then i,the 2nd).but i'm still pathetic.way pathetic.oh well,first time sucks? i saw monkeys.tons and tons of them(well,not really)but more than i ever seen in the wild before.i mean,the last time i saw monkeys was on the lamp post on the highway.n...the zoo...so,it's quite a big thing(to ME).oh,and there were baby monkeys around too...clinging on to their mums.n they're not afraid of humans,so i got a good look at them.it's at Rifle Range.along the roads.army pple know abt it.there's a camp there or sth...
Y10:07 PM
