promos are drawing near.
somehow i still think it's far off.
im too tired everyday to consider it.
because all that thinking over the past few weeks is such a mental torture
physically draining.

please believe that i truly want to give up.
but i cant.
i tried
i hate this
why isnt it possible?!

i barely have time to finish tutorials
n i've got maths n econs n pw to do tonight.
sigh.
on a happier note, next week only has two days of school=)
haha.n we skip THURSDAYS.
ok which is maybe not such a good thing cos thursday's pe day=(
the only reason that motivates me to come to sch is PE.
i live for them.haha
hey i wanna be fit!
then friday's slack day - n there's swimming.
which makes it a happy sunny day.
so next week we only have mon and fri.
like how cool is that?
see how hoilday-deprived i am?lol.

tomorrow's sis birthday.
ive wished her like twice already today.haha.
which reminds me that i havent gotten her anything yet.
i know she wants that teddy bear thing..
sigh.
i foresee myself broke= /

it was the most blissful dream i ever had..


i don't ever want to wake up..

literally.a really long nap.

Anyway,the numbers thing actually concluded my series of entries.
but just when i decided to let the rope slack,i had to have this dream.
is it somewat meant to be that i can never let go?
what's the point of holding on anyway

anyway,i was supposed to wake up at 5.45pm
i set my phone alarm.
and i woke up.
n i started talking to my sister
but THEN,i don't know when i slipped into unconsciousness.
then i started dreaming.
an hour's worth.
3 different scenarios.
the last one was the impactful one.
i even rem telling myself in my dream that when i wake up,
i wanna rem ALL THESE WONDERFUL THINGS.
cos that's probably the closest to the real thing i'll ever get.
n when i woke up,
i was smiling=)

i wanna GIVE UP on you.
give me that chance.


rach is right-
it's TOO HARD to let go.

im such a loser.


the hope is still burning.
extinguish it pls someone!
before i get hurt=(
reflection (mulan) it's so true now..

sophia drew this reallyy nice pic(though scandalous)of this guy and girl together.and there's this heart nxt to it and a few lines of words that i hope were true.yeah as if!the cool thing is everything on that page is linked=) well,except for the evaluate sources for pw thing.haha.
and btw,no one's supposed to see the numbers lining the inside of the heart.
it's 4 numbers.
but it comes in a pair.
so basically it's 2 sets of 2 numbers.
=the only thing that differs.
substitutes..
figure THAT out.
ha.

then after school when i went home w yueqi n yiwei,i was the only one who didnt have to cross so being the nice people they were, and also cos we were in the midst of a conversation,we talked on the stairs of the overhead bridge.yueqi sat down but yiwei n i were standing.boy can girls talk man.haha.we were (as yueqi would say) "yakking" away.that was until we saw the bee.then we started screaming.lol.that ended our lovely convo.haha.

i was so tired today i slept on 961.i dozed off w/o knowing it!!i had this feeling i was awake all the time -_- n i only woke when ppl were alighting at the interchange.n i didnt know i fell aslp till i realised i didnt know what song i was listening to on my mp3.=.=

that was a lot of random stuff.haha.

i wanna keep my mind off it for now
and all the other info.
take a break.
then i'll dive back in and figure what to do.

"it's easier to like someone who likes you if you didnt like anyone at the moment"
i had to ask my friend to repeat it twice cos it sounds pretty confusing.
haha.but it's true i realise.
i decided i'll just leave it to fate or whatsoever.
no point forcing.
but i want him to know!
aiyah.

i'll see how things go..

you know,knowing too much isnt good.
it makes u depressed.
bombarded with info.
but then,once thoughts are consolidated,
everything seems fine.

and when GIRLS hug,it's not a sign of lesbianism!haha
it's a sign of emotional support
the guys are like..-_-
they gay around lots more than us!
call us les =.=
nah.kidding.

WOW.i feel so HONOURED that my english has an impact.HAHA.
i think i can write a book,you know,abt how this girl likes the guy and what happens after that,mainly focusing on the girl's feelings.
but it is most likely going to be a sad ending.
you know,when things don't work out.
cos like i said,ive realised,the more u want sth to happen,
the desire so great that you can dream abt it or sth,
the more it WONT.
life is soo unfair.
i mean it.
keep picturing the happy ending-it just wont materialise.
it'll stay locked in the book of fairy tales.
on a happier note,
i think the book will rock.tsk.so ego.

i've started writing this diary thing cos i feel no matter what,there are just some things that are too personal to be blogged abt.
when can i LET GO?


move on.


release my taut grip on that hope.


it's like sinking sand.





and im drowning.
it's those situations where only you can save yourself.
but im so far in there's no salvage...


p.s. im not depressed.haha.or suicidal or sth..yeah.

you know at first i was like,i dun like him.i DUN.but gosh,it's delusion and lying to myself.it's just a reallyy good thing no one teases me abt it such that i feel threatened or sth.ok threatened is not right,it's more like awkward.it feels good that they are leaving me alone to wander in the realms of fantasy by myself,not having to worry abt what they'll say or sth..now ive told like 4 ppl.3 of them are my last yr classmates whom im really close to and it feels really good to share this kinda thing..then they can tell me their perspectives.which helps.

i dun want to find out the truth.
it's like i dread the day.
i think i'd rather it remain this way that there's always this hope.tiny it may be.
i dun want the hope shattered.
i know im denying myself a chance that the response may be positive.
but COME ON,what are the odds?
why him.
there are one million n one others.
n it has to be that one.
i wish i had psychic powers.

i have loads of things to say actually.

well,first,i would like to thank my dearest classmates,who sms-ed me to wish me luck and giving me the moral support for my piano exam
somehow the room didnt seem so cold today(as compared to tuesday)=)
i dunno if i screwed up.
but when i came out of the room,i was rather high.
maybe it's just the fact that i dun have to play the piano anymore!
(or at least for the nxt month till results are out =/)
I WANNA PASS!!!
anw,i was feeling rather happy and all.
but when i came home, slept and woke up, i had this foreboding feeling that im SO DEAD.
dont ask me why i felt this way.
i wanna know that too..
this freaked me out BADLY.
ask val.i was spilling my panic on her.haha.

those little gestures when isolated dont mean a thing.
it's accumulative.piece them together and i see something.
maybe all these dont mean anything.
but i want it to work out.

if you like a person,shouldnt you just spit it all out?
in case u regret..which u'd probably will.
but it's so hard..and i have always held the belief guys shld do it.
i wont ever tell a person that i like him.
i'll just keep it to myself (or tell a close friend)
maybe i'll drop subtle hints - that's the furthest
if the feeling is mutual,i'll die of elation (i think.)
self-delusion may seem stupid.
it isnt.
everyone needs a little fantasy in their lives.
it gives that false but warm sensation of hope that can bring a smile on a rainy day.
-impossible reality.dreamlike fantasy.-
coincidence.
i wish u'd feel the same way.
i wish...
what are the odds?

piano exam is only 3 days away.
just finished piano lesson.
my teacher says i can pass.whoohoo.
she went,sure can pass,just dunno how well only.
she'd BETTER be right about that.

spent the whole day studying aural.it's such a bore.
and a waste of time.
so i couldnt do anything else at all.besides pw minutes
i havent done anyth the entire wkend except minutes n piano.
sigh.
cant wait for the dreaded exam to be over.

i'm suffering from infatuation i think.=/.pls save me!..
imagining things and seeing symbolism everywhere.
it's just a fantasy.
those things you want for it to happen so much you can picture it in your mind
but deep down,you know it's impossible
reality sucks.
sometimes i wish i didnt know you

my new laptop's finally working!!muahaha.it feels so goood.lalala.
got it on sun.
but mum n dad went overseas so the internet connection couldnt b set up n since im such a computer noob,i decided not to play around..haha.
but mum says i must take good care of it.otherwise she will kill me.haha.
it has this giant screen.good for watching movies =) n it's white n silver=) pretty.haha.

im feeling pretty upset with myself for being so irresponsible the past few days.i forgot to bring my friend's leotard to return her and yueqi's gingerbread man.gosh.i really suck.n my friend kinda needed it for cca =/

had piano practise just now.
went not too bad i guess.C piece was good.but B sucked.A was ok.
balance.haha.but my fingers went all numb in that freezing room and it's kawai=hard keys.
i miss yamaha.their keys are like soft.

ok gtg tell sean survey stuff otherwise siva will murder us =x

i guess today was pretty hectic..had to do those surveys thing.so i went to riverside..i think i must have been feeling lightheaded from the thunderstorm since i went in like it's my school through the side gate(you should always go from the front) i mean you know,it was all convenient and stuff so i decided to just go through there..plus there were ppl i could ask for directions.
had to talk w the vp.
she said i shld meet the HOD.
contact the HOD who's busy at the moment half an hr later
then the HOD came in
she made me sit down and started asking me where i was from and all the background info and about the survey.
like a TEST.oral exam thing..she's this PRC so i tried talking in chi,but after a while of mixed chi n eng,i decided to stick to eng.
basically the worst part was when she asked me about why we chose the sch.cos act it was the difference in chi standard among chi high,crescent and riverside.duh quite obvious the sequence..THEN she declared her sch better than chi high in terms of chi standard.i was going to laugh out loud.honestly,not that im looking down ,but COME ON,who was she trying to kid?i am so not an idiot.so she said if i want the interview,i gotta go learn about the bkgrd of chi standard in her sch,then when she ask me again then i can answer,THEN she'll do the survey..like what the HECK..ok watever..no loss

reading dear val's post about reflections really got me thinking..i realised this year i think less than last year.maybe not much less.right,mq?

i have this problem falling asleep.you don't catch me sleeping in class(as in really asleep) or on the bus or mrt.so at night when im trying to fall asleep,my mind will start to drift and i find myself pondering a whole lot of stuff.no boundaries.then my mind becomes active.which causes me to stay awake for an hour or so before falling asleep unconsciously.

sometimes i think thinking too much isnt good.it just makes you depressed or sth.seeing things for what they really are.sometimes,knowing too much makes you see beyond other's scope of vision.seeing meanings that may have risen from a overactive imagination.ignorance is bliss.sure knowing sth puts you in a better position to make decisions but then,you might do the wrong thing too.
a loop.that's all it is.
you know the best thing about blocks?it took my mind off all those 'thinking'

the thing is,i can be cranky but really,i can be serious.believe it..im not someone you judge on short term.i think.wait i think my phrasing sounds funny..haha.i mean,i dont show my serious side unless i know you can take it cos otherwise u'll just think im plain nuts.sigh.


complicated.a web.

actually im kinda in some sort of dilemma which i don't think i wanna post here cos it will take up too much,and also cos ppl might get bored reading it.haha.honestly.

someone once told me,"guys who have ex are the braver ones who dare to take the initiative and actually know what a girl wants and likes"
is it true?
i thought it pretty much was.i mean, is.

on fri,shue,eunice,yiwei,val and i went to watch she's the man at cine.
shue,eunice n yiwei went first cos val n i had cca meeting.
then val n i had to make our way there quickly cos they didnt have money to eat,on account of them spending all their money on buying tix for us first.lol.
n u wouldnt believe it,while eating,we were talking lit.LITERATURE.
i knew we were INTELLECTUALS XD
she's the man was way amusing.haha.go watch if u have the chance.

i reached home at like nearly 12mn yesterday cos we were celebrating grandpa's birthday.the damn dinner costs 700+ when there were only like 13 of us?
but the karaoke part was fun.haha.
mainly cos denise and i were singing most of the time.since nobody else wanted to.believe me,im not that enthusiatic abt singing.haha.
when my dad sang,GAWD,he was so hilarious cos it was WAY off-key and he purposely sang it out LOUD until everyone was laughing.
pls,even the waitress had to turn away slightly cos she was laughing quite badly too..talk abt amusing.my dad,of cos,didnt mind us laughing since duh,he was way of course so what do you expect?
i think he was laughing at himself too..lala.

ok i think i'd better go do pw now.since i've gotta:
1.practise piano
2.do theory hw
3.do alkanes tut
4.pw interviews
5.do chem spa skill D exercise
am i dead or what?there's still piano tonight.and packing my stuff to go to grandpa's hse after piano tonight..
really gtg.

i was pretty satisfied yesterday at ny funfair..the one thing that irked me though was that the number of service stalls this year are PATHETIC..i mean there was only one body glitter art stall.talk abt sad.but anw..i was happy cos i had 2 pink streaks in my hair n glitter all over.cmon,how often do u get pink hair?lol.and i went to get this glitter body art thing which sucks.cos when our stall did it last yr,it lasts for more than a week.and now,just one day it's peeling -.- i guess the glitter they used was not fine enough n OH YES,WRONG GLUE..argh..n i also got a henna on my ankle=) i dunno how long hennas last since i havent done any b4 but i figured ankle would be the best place-less conspicuous.i mean,well less than if it's on ur hand anw..it sorta entends from my ankle upwards so it's quite obvious.but then by wed,it'll b quite light alr i guess.but if it's still obvious..

-i hope tues everything will go smoothly-

through the trees
i will find you
i will heal the ruins left inside you;



samantha.nus med class of 2013!hwachong apollo.shopaholic.danceaddicted.
currently having horrible hair.loves you.


my straight hair back!
money!a job!





fungmin | yushu | eunice | ivan | nicholas | reihorng | siyun | sophia | terry | TWIN(: | TWIN'S BLOGSHOP | valerie | wahtoon | yueqi | yuting | suelynn | MichelleTAY |

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