Wednesday, January 03, 2007
i think it was sometime in early november, that i decided to stop being the idiot i was for the past months.
somehow, despite the similar thoughts and opinions raised by various people, i found myself unable to believe them wholeheartedly.
insecurities. fears. paranoia.- i had them all
you know how they say "once bitten, twice shy"?
i no longer believed anything unless it is right in front of me, without a doubt.
and it had to be obvious such that no one could ever deny it.
put it this way-i craved tangibility.
i wanted proof.
to see it in black and white.
i lost my
confidence and
instinct that i used to trust - they had failed me.
the pain and hurt i went through; i never want to relive that.
i lost many jewels, uncountable.
i told myself i wont be so stupid ever again
i wont let myself go through that again.
it isnt worth it
which explained why rachael had to try so hard to convince me that this time it would be right.
she's right - it's hard to untangle youself from your web of memories.
it's like a wall - built by my mind, to shut things out.
i'm sorryi made a choice.
with no regrets.
Y7:37 PM
